What Women Really Want 2

So, I already posted this essay, but I recently revised it and I thought that it was different enough that it deserved a second post. I focussed a lot more on Jane Austen and her affect on out lives. Enjoy.

WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT
Every woman has a dream man.

Let me rephrase that. Every straight woman has a dream man. Whether they are willing to admit it or not, in the deep recesses of the mind where all fantasies live, each woman has created their perfect guy.

It’s a rather humiliating thing to admit, one’s dream man. But, let’s fact it, we’ve all got one. And every reasonable woman has had one, wives, Mothers, and sisters alike. The dream man changes with time and may vary from girl to girl, but he’s always there.

Being in college, I have had a lot of encounters of hearing women’s requests in a man. Perhaps I should market my experience and make a fortune selling these ideas on the internet to lonely young men. It wouldn’t be hard because we all want the same three things: Personality, looks, and security.

Almost every girl I have spoken to wants a man with a great sense of humor and a romantic streak. Most want good looks and big arms. Lots of girls are very big into eyes, windows to the soul and all. Money and good health are very important. As my roommate puts it: It goes back to cavemen times when you wanted a man who could bring down a mastodon.

This same roommate also introduced me to the very entertaining game “Marry, Kiss, Push off a Cliff.” In this game the participating girls are given three choices in men. For instance, Princes from Disney films. Take Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty, Prince Charming from Cinderella, and Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid. The girls would then have to decide who they would marry, who they would kiss and who they would push off of a cliff. Hence the name of the game “Marry, Kiss, Push off a Cliff”. Charming, no?

But what’s most fun about the game is not who they pick, so much as why. Every girl has a different reason. I’d marry Prince Eric and push Prince Charming. My roommate would also marry Eric, but for her, Phillip would have to go.

It was through many rounds of this game that I started to see a trend among the single, female, part of the species: Sensitivity, security, and sex appeal are a must. My recipe is a prime example of this. It took some thought to discover all of the appropriate ingredients. Take one part Robin Hood, one part Mr. Knightley, and one part MacGyver. Add a little JD Dorian, a heaping helping of Daniel Jackson and a dash of Han Solo, for flavor. That’s right; my fictional man is comprised completely of fictional men. Surprise, surprise.

I dream of a man who can teach me skills, has a sense of humor, and is fun to argue with. He would be appropriately sensitive, intelligent, knowledgeable, clever, British if he can possibly help it (accents are hot), and handy to have around in a tough situation. On top of all this he should be able to sing, ballroom dance, own a really nice long coat, and be able to gain the approval of my brothers. Meaning he’ll have to like sports and have impeccable taste in movies. And he must be willing to tell me that I am a wonderful, worthwhile individual.

No wonder I’m single.

I was told about a t-shirt being sold at a Jane Austen fan website. The shirt said “I blame Jane, and I’m sure she blames herself”. Meaning, it’s her fault that we are expecting a Mr. Darcy to turn up. As most girls know, Jane Austen created some of the very best fantasy men of all time. Every time Pride and Prejudice is watched in our household, it takes days to get out of the “lack of regency hero” slump.

Our favorite rounds of “Marry, Kiss, Push off a Cliff” often have to do with Austen men. “Who would you pick? 6 hour Mr. Darcy, Book Mr. Darcy, or Mr. Darcy from the new movie?” one of us will ask. We all choose. But it’s funny; we can’t seem to throw a Darcy off a cliff without providing a way for him to be fine. “I’ll throw new Darcy off the cliff, but it’s okay, there’s a giant pillow there.”

We have divvied up the different characters, just in case realities cross and Mr. Knightley and Mr. Darcy should show up on our door step. About half of us would choose Knightley, and the other half of us would choose Darcy. If, you know, for some reason or another we had a choice. None of us would object to a Mr. Bingley.

“Where are the Darcys?” we cry. “I’ve had my fill of all the Collins and Wickhams!” To be fair, when you start noticing that the villains in your own life have a stinking resemblance to those you’ve watched and read about, how can one help hoping that a Bingley or a Darcy will come along?

But, we can’t blame fiction for all our fantasy woes. When it comes down to it, women spend a lot of time dreaming about their fantasy man. We know what we want. When it comes to that, we’ve got ideas in spades.

Reality check! Perfect isn’t all it’s cracked up to be when you’re lacking perfection yourself. We should be looking for what’s right for us, not the ideal of all womankind. I could go into a deep philosophical discussion about how finding the perfect man is about becoming perfect and valuing the qualities within ourselves but, I’ll forgo that dialogue for now.

Instead I will say this: If we spend our lives looking for perfection, we aren’t going to find it. I’m not saying that we should stop dreaming, and I’m certainly not saying that we should settle. But we don’t have to find Mr. Darcy to be perfectly content, even blissful, at times. If we look for what feels right- in any situation- we are going to be happy.

Men aren’t perfect; That’s what makes them men. Women aren’t perfect; that is what makes them think they are going to find that perfect man. When it comes down to it, we are all just people.

Fantasies provide a valuable service and they shouldn’t be looked down upon. They give hope in times of loneliness and teach us what qualities we most value. The problem comes when we can’t step outside of them. Really the search for the perfect man should be the quest for perfect love. Perfection doesn’t exist. But love does. And, I hear, when everything works out, every person has the chance to become someone’s fantasy.

Until that time comes though, I am perfectly happy to dream the dream with the glad hope of waking to a more worthwhile reality. So, to Jane and all the other dreamers out there, I say: here’s to you.