Death Makes a Difference

At rise: It is evening and we are in the room of a girl who is 18 or 19. The girl, MELIA, is sitting cross legged on her bed reading Wuthering Heights. Her bed is covered with a homemade quilt. There are one or two stuffed animals on her bed and the wall behind her is covered with posters of bands ranging from the 60’s to the 80’s, maybe “The Who” or “Queen”, movie posters, perhaps The African Queen or the original Sabrina, and a print of the Alfred Eisenstaedt’s famous picture of the kiss in time square. There is a door stage right and a closet door stage left.
MELIA
(Sitting on her bed, getting more and more frustrated as she reads. Finally, she gets so upset she throws the book behind the bed. With a groan she falls back on her pillows.)
I give up! That’s it, really. I give up.
(She takes the pillow, covers her face does a little scream into it. We hear a crash of thunder and a knocking noise.)
(Through the pillow, rather hopeless sounding) Come in.
(MELIA’s closet door opens and a figure hooded in a black robe carrying a scythe comes out. It is DEATH.)
DEATH
Amelia Holiday, I have come for you.
MELIA
(She slowly takes the pillow off of her face, raises her head and looks at the hooded figure.) Who are you?
DEATH
(Sighs and Shakes his head.) Who do you think? The pizza delivery boy certainly doesn’t dress like this. (Gestures in a way to best show off his outfit.)
MELIA
(Sits up)(Fearfully) When I said “I give up” I didn’t mean literally. I’m not that depressed.
DEATH
Why are you depressed?
MELIA
Well, right now I’m depressed because apparently I’m dead or about to be dead. (sarcastically) That’s just the perfect ending to the perfect day. I think that gives one cause for a certain amount of melancholy.
DEATH
(Leaning on his scythe.) Oh, I’m not here for you soul.
MELIA
You’re not?
DEATH
Nope.
MELIA
Then why are you here?
DEATH
My you’re taking this all rather well. Most of the time when I meet people they behave rather shamefully, always begging and crying and challenging me to games or asking me to dance. No one ever says “hey death, you look dead on your feet, how about a cup of cocoa. It doesn’t occur to anyone that I might enjoy a nice cup of hot cocoa, preferably with some of those mini marshmallows in it. But I’m not here to talk about my problems. I’m here to talk about yours. So, tell me, why are you so depressed?
MELIA
You can’t be serious.
DEATH
Look Melia, you don’t mind if I call you Melia do you?
(Melia Shakes her head)
Good. Now, look Melia, I’ve come for a reason and I’m not going to go until I get an answer. Now, I’m a very busy man and there are a lot of greedy people waiting for rich relatives to die and any fool will tell you that you can’t keep Death waiting. (He swivels the scythe in his hand.)
MELIA
(Eyeing the scythe wearily.) Well, it all seems a little stupid being confronted with Death and all.
(DEATH shakes his head at the pun)
I’m just having one of those days. The kind of day when everything seems to go wrong. The world is full of awful people who do awful things. And I feel like a no talent looser who is too incompetent to do anything about it. No matter what I do, I do it wrong. I am a walking disaster area. I tend to destroy things. I will never be anything or anyone of import.
DEATH
That is a bad day. Why did you throw the book?
MELIA
Have you ever read Wuthering Heights? It was the wrong book to pick up when feeling depressed. I’m sure Emily Brontë is a charming girl, but that’s just way to depressing. What’s so wrong with a happy ending every now and then?
DEATH
Emily Brontë. I remember her. Yes, I can see what you mean. She was nice enough, but a little depressing. So what else is bothering you?
MELIA
I have no idea what to do with my life. I need to choose a life plan right now, but I have no idea. And, maybe I’m just paranoid, but sometimes I feel like no one likes me. Like my very presence annoys the people I’m around. Have you ever had that feeling?
DEATH
(Shaking his head again) No, my life is peaches and cream. Everybody loves me. (Throwing his hands into the air) I’m Death! Of course I’ve had that feeling. No one likes me. And not only do people not like me: they treat me like the bad guy. People have to die, that’s just the way it is. It’s not my fault. But still, people insist on demonizing me. The only reason I get invited to poker night is so people can say that they’ve (with air quotes) “cheated Death”. I almost never get invited to parties.
MELIA
I’m sure you’d be the life of the party.
DEATH
Oh, that’s funny, like I don’t hear enough of the puns already. “Cheat Death”, “dance with Death”, “looked Death in the eye”. Or my personal favorite “laughed in the face of Death”. What’s that all about? Have you ever had someone laugh in your face? It’s extremely rude.
MELIA
(Looking at DEATH like he’s crazy) Why are you here again?
DEATH
Right, right. Sorry. I’m here to offer you a job.
MELIA
Come again?
DEATH
I’m sure I will. But, yes, I am here to offer you a job.
MELIA
A job as what?
DEATH
I need an assistant. There are a lot of people out there in the world and do you know what? All of them, no matter what they do, are going to die someday. Think of the job stability.
MELIA
That is so morbid.
DEATH
Professional hazard. Morbidity comes with the territory. You said you needed a life plan. Maybe what you really need is a death plan.
MELIA
Why me? What makes me so qualified to be an angel of death?
DEATH
Well, you said yourself that you have a knack for destroying things.
MELIA
So putting that talent to good use and killing people is going to help raise my confidence?
DEATH
Look, I’m not going to lie. Being Death isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.
MELIA
Oh, really? Because you’ve been making the idea sound really appealing. Tell me, is there a fate worse than Death?
DEATH
(Holding up his hands in surrender) All right, all right. I can see that you aren’t interested. (Starts to turn back towards the closet, but stops) However, I’d keep in mind that death is one thing that always makes a difference. Have a nice life. I’ll see you in about 50 or 60 years, give or take.


(MELIA is struck by DEATH’s statement. As she ponders DEATH makes a deliberately slow exit, waiting for her to change her mind.)
MELIA
Wait.
DEATH
(spinning around quickly) Yeeesss?
MELIA
Do you really think I could make a difference?
DEATH
As certainly as death and taxes.
MELIA
(Nods as if deciding something) I’m willing to give it a try. I don’t want to decide anything for sure, but I’m willing to give it a shot.
DEATH
I suppose we could try it on a temporary basis, if that’s what you want.
MELIA
(Smiling) Yes, I think that’s exactly what I want. (Extending her hand) Death, you’ve got yourself a Holliday.
DEATH
(Taking her hand) I was hoping you’d say that.
end